The Talk
by Stupid Froggy
Summary: In which Zero gets the boyfriend talk from Dr. Light. AU I guess. Zero/X.


The date had gone completely perfect. Hell it may have been one of the most perfect days ever. Zero had taken X to an amusement park that was about an hour away from their town. The road trip there was filled with lots of epic car moments, candy and randomly singing out loud down the street to the point where people looked over in shock that two teenage boys were jamming that hard in a car. The reactions made the whole thing even more fun. When they had finally gotten there. They'd hopped out the car and basically rushed around the park getting on every single ride ever. Even the kid ones. They'd gotten some looks that said "You are too damn old to be getting on this ride." Still they got on the rides. Not caring. Today was their day. Zero had even managed to win X the stuffed Apollo Justice he'd wanted.

The amusement went on and on. Until it hit night-time. The amusement park lights went up. Everything got 8x more romantic then. However they couldn't really indulge in the night-time park for too long. X had a curfew. It would take an hour to get back anyways. Plus Zero didn't really want to get murdered by the scary mother hen that was Dr. Light. The drive back was just as fun as the drive there. Although midway back X had fallen asleep. It was freaking adorable. In Zero's opinion anyways. He turned down their loud driving music and drove in silence until they'd reached their destination. Opon getting there Zero had woken up X who yawned and said something about Squiggles...? Zero shrugged it off. They walked up to X's front door. Here it was the end of the date. There was no words at this point. X had been looking into Zero's eyes and vice versa. The stars were out. The temperature was a perfect summer night. It was bliss.

Zero leaned in to kiss X. X accepted it wrapping his arms around Zero's neck. The two were in absolute heaven until suddenly...they heard the door slam open. X and Zero looked at Dr. Light in with embarrassment and horror. The horror was more on Zero's part. If looks could kill, the old man would've killed Zero with the piercing glance he was shooting his way. Zero decided to try to act casual.

"Hey Sir...how is it going...?" Zero said with a bit of hesitance. Dr. Light just looked Zero over as if he was observing his every move. Zero knew right then and there that He was screwed. Zero looked over at X who looked like he was going to die of embarrassment.

"Oh nothing...how about coming inside Zero?" Dr. Light said in a fake cheerful tone. Zero could feel the sweat form from under his bangs. There was tension in the air. As if no wasn't an option.

"O-Okay sure." Zero said walking inside the house after Dr. Light and X. He'd led them to the livingroom. X and Zero had sat down on the couch. Exchanging looks of fear until Dr. Light walked back into the room with lemonade. He set it down on the coffee table and sat down on the other couch that was on the opposite side of the room. Dr. Light spoke.

"So Zero, I've noticed that your hair looks even more majestic than it usually does." Dr. Light said as he took a sip of his lemon still with the glare on his face. X and Zero shuttered. Zero finally responded.

"Oh erm...thanks...your hair is majestic too?..." Zero said and then quickly took a sip of his lemonade. X facepalmed. Dr. Light just gave one of his observing glances.

"So...how far have you gone with my X?" Dr. Light asked casually sipping the lemonade once more. Zero looked up and shock and X's face turned plank.

"DAD!" X yelled in disapproval. Zero was at a loss for words. He knew this day was coming one day...but not so soon. It was awkward. Too awkward. Suddenly Zero decided he would grow a pair and be bold. "No fear...No fear...it's not like he's going to chop off my balls...Okay...okay...here I go..." Zero thought to himself.

"I ...erm...erg...uhhhh..." Zero said letting all the resolve he had just built up go away. X cut him off.

"Dad, that's non of your business. I'm 18." X said defiantly. Dr. light's face softened.

"X, your business is my business. Who knows what kind of STDs this guy has." Dr. Light said pointing to Zero. Zero felt a little bit hurt by that. Did he really look like some awkward sex fiend that carried diseases...? He was hurt.

"Seriously?! Dad your being ridiculous. I've known Zero since kindergarten." X said scowling. Dr. Light sighed as he seen X get slightly offended.

"Erm...if I may intrude on this...for the record...I have no STDs...just saying..." Zero said putting his two cents in. Dr. Light sighed once more.

"So I take it you two have gotten intimate..." Dr. Light said quietly. The room got silent.

"Yeah. So?" X said defiantly. Zero had knew this was the wrong move...why oh why did X pick now of all times to be the outspoken one? There was a rule all teenage kids had to follow...when being grilled about intercourse...always...ALWAYS deny it. Unless there is solid evidence. Then you confess. So you don't get murcked.

"Well...erm..." Dr. Light started not wanting to get into an argument with X. Then he shifted his glance to Zero. Zero looked like he wanted to be anywhere. But he knew he had to get right with Dr. Light. I'd be a horrid thing to have the love of your short life's dad hating your guts. So Zero decided he would speak his mind. He gained back in balls and spoke.

"Sir. I just want to say that I love your son. So much. I'd never do anything that he didn't want, and no I'm not some sex fiend out to taint your kid. I'm a regular teenage boy who just wants to be with X. C'mon now sir." Zero said putting on a charming and sugary smile. He could feel Dr. Light's and X's stares.

"Do you support these claims?" Dr. Light said gazing at Zero intently.

"Yes. I do." Zero said gazing back seriously. At this point X was still swooning at Zero's comment.

"You sure?" Dr. Light said eyeing Zero harder.

"About 100%." Zero said back still keeping his serious face.

"Alright just don't mess up." Dr. Light said face getting less serious.

"I won't. At least if I can help it." Zero said scratching the back of his head.

"All right. Just better not break my X's spirit." Dr. Light said knowingly. Zero nodded at this.

"I promise." Zero said.

"If you do I'll cut your dick off." Dr. Light said casually. Zero and Dr. Light started laughing. All of a sudden Zero stopped and thought about what Dr. Light just said.

"W-WAIT WHAT?!" Zero asked slightly paranoid.

"I'll cut your dick off." Dr. Light said once more breaking his laughter. X on the other hand was hiding his face in a pillow.

"I don't know how to respond to that..." Zero said still feeling the threat. Dr. Light started laughing once more.

"Just remember...everytime your with my X remember...I'm watching you...I know where you live...and I'll cut your dick off." Dr. Light said in a creepy tone. Zero felt a chill go up his spine.

"That...what the hell?" Zero asked. Wanting some sort of implication that he was just being metaphorical.

"Erm...I think it's time for me to go...on that note." Zero said getting up and walking towards the door.

"Where are you going Zero? The night is still young..." Dr. Light said with a creepy smile. This just made Zero want to get the hell out of there quicker.

"Ugh...no thanks...ya know Exams...school all that jazz..." Zero said still easing towards the door.

"It'd be a shame if that hair of yours got ripped out..." Dr. Light said casually. Zero started walking faster. Almost out of the livingroom to the door. X got up to let him out.

"Zero...I'm sorry about my dad. He's sorta of..." X started to say as he scratched the back of his head.

"A psychopath who wants to cut off my man hood?" Zero said interrupting.

"Yeah pretty much." X said slightly giggling at the last comment.

"Oh god...this...ugh." Zero said as he facepalmed.

"This was nothing you should see how he is with Roll." X said.

"Oh lord..." Zero said imagining the horrors that happen to the kids that try to hit on Roll.

"But getting off that...today was perfect." X said with a smile.

"It really was." Zero said remembering all the epic stuff that was that day. Then he continued "I wouldn't change a second of it." Zero said.

"Really? Not even talking with my dad?" X asked slightly surprised.

"Nope. Because at the end of the day. This could've happened under more graphic circumstances. Plus I still have my dick." Zero said with a thumbs up feeling slightly accomplished. X laughed at this.

"Yeah that's always a good thing." X said bringing Zero into an embrace that turned into a kiss. The second it happened Zero's new-found Dr. Light sense was tingling. He opened his eyes to see the old man glaring at him from the door way. He let go of X and stopped kissing and made a distraught face.

"Holding my X a bit tight aren't you?" Dr. Light asked with an intense face. X looked like he was going to die of embarrassment once more. Zero could feel Dr. Light's murderous aura once more.

"I see many cockblocks...in my future..." Zero said as he sighed and walked out the door. Once outside he got into his car and drove home on with silence.

He would have an interesting story for Axl on monday.

* * *

**Another oneshot. I forgot that I was only a few sentances done with this one because I started going ham on Apollo Justice. I'm now on the last case. *-* At the risk of my shitty fanfiction writing. So I hurried up an finished it.**

**Anyways...enjoy.**


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